PLATINUM
Dear Judith,
I've never actually written one of these before. I mean a letter to a woman, that is. Except for the one time that I wrote you while you were at school. Did that one really count?
I see Zac writing all the time and he's forever, every day, rushing off to the nearest post office, and it made me sit and wonder why I haven't sat down to write to you.
The truth is, I never know what to say in these things except how are you and to tell you I'm doing well. And I suppose by doing well that means having food in my belly and change in my pocket at the end of the day. Except that I can't help the nagging feeling that I can't find relief from. The nagging feeling knowing you're not around with your obnoxiously long eyelashes that flutter every time you call me Daddy.
Damn it, see? I just called you obnoxious. I'll never be able to do this right.
I guess the truth is that I miss you, princess. And I worry about you. And I got to thinking and I think I just need to know that you're all right. I'm so afraid that your cousin will go back on his word and make you go back to work that I'm losing sleep over it. I was uncomfortable about leaving you in the first place. Now I wonder if I should have brought you along, both for your safety and for my sanity. Though if I did bring you along, no doubt Tay would have wasted no time strapping you up on our wheel so that Zac could throw knives at you. Yes, that's part of our act now. I'll tell you more about it when I come home.
I say a prayer for you every night, princess. That's the truth. I've never worried this much about anyone before and, to be honest, I think I might be feeling things I never felt before. I don't know if it's because I miss you or because I'm lonely or a mixture of both, I'm not sure. But I can tell you one thing, I haven't so much as looked in another woman's direction since leaving Tulsa and that's the truth. I think maybe there might not be anyone else out there for me, Judith. It feels like the desire is gone. It feels like the only woman I care to have anything to do with anymore is you. And I like the way that feels.
It appears that we have much to talk about when I come home. I hope that you miss me. I hope you haven't forgotten about me. But most importantly, I hope you're happy. I miss your smile. I never realized how much it brightened my day until I didn't see it after awhile.
Yours truly,
Isaac
For the second weekend in a row, Judith's cousin, Johnny, let the poker games run in his speakeasy and he allowed Judith to run them. Much to his apparent dismay, the money flew onto the tables, almost as fast as it did when Isaac ran the games, subsequently proving Johnny wrong that men did not want women handling their bets.
Judith loved running the poker games. She'd never felt such a sense of power and security before and she was thoroughly pleased with the amount of respect she seemed to receive from the players. Isaac would be so proud of her. She did his card tricks flawlessly and she had a little something that Isaac didn't have to help the tricks right along: long, lustrous eyelashes and a flirtatious wink that could knock a man dead.
The night was going smoothly as any other, players were coming and going, and the cash in the kitty was only growing and growing. It was a great night. Johnny would be pleased.
She had to admit, though, that she was surprised to see Johnny show up in the speakeasy all of a sudden, followed by a man that Judith was much too familiar with. Her heart began to race and she cursed as she lost money on the hand she'd just dealt in her distraction of Johnny and his guest. She stared on in horror at the average-height and portly belly as he adjusted his leisure jacket and tipped his hat. She watched him reach into his pocket and pull out a wad of cash, waving it in front of Johnny's face. As much as she would have loved to get her hands on every bit of that dough, she felt uneasy at his presence.
Her heart sank as Johnny turned his attention to the poker table and Judith paused before dealing out the next hand. He approached the table, leaning over it and into Judith's ear. "Be a dear and deal my good friend, here, in, will you?"
"But--" she sputtered. "But, Johnny, I have a full table. And they're all betting high!"
Turning his head, his eyes landed on the first poor sap he found. He snapped his fingers and pointed behind his back with his thumb. "You. You're out. Go get you a drink at the bar on the house."
As Judith tried to object, unsuccessfully, the man took the now-empty seat at the table and made himself comfortable with a smile on his face. Judith wanted to be sick.
Miraculously, he was a horrible poker player and after awhile, taking his money was like taking candy from a baby. As he kept drinking, she kept slipping the tricks on him, watching his wad of money shrink and shrink with each round he played. The worse he played, the friendlier Judith became.
Finally, when he seemed to have his fill, he threw down his last hand of cards, finished off what was left of the liquor in his glass, and rose from the table without a word. Judith couldn't help but smile and she happily collected the cards and began to shuffle the deck when Johnny appeared out of the blue again. Leaning further down into her ear, he whispered to her, "I thought I told you to take care of him?"
She arched her eyebrow and cocked her head to the side as she continued to shuffle her card deck. "He seemed to do a pretty good job of taking care of himself."
"He's not happy."
"Of course he isn't. He's horrible at cards and he doesn't know how to bet properly. I'd be unhappy, too."
"You're done dealing games, Judith."
She felt the blood drain from her face as she slowly stopped the shuffling in her hands. "I beg your pardon?"
"Look. I need him happy. And he's very interested in you. In fact, he's actually requested a, uh...private word with you."
Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "Johnny," she whispered. "That's not part of the deal. Isaac said no more, you told him--"
"Yeah? Well your little boyfriend ain't here, is he?"
Judith wanted to cry. Isaac had been right, he'd been right all along. Johnny, her own cousin, didn't care about anything or anyone else but his own wallet. He was willing to go back on deals and allow his baby cousin to do obscene things in private just to load his own pockets. This wasn't family. This wasn't real life.
"I won't do it," she said defiantly. "I won't do it and you can't make me."
"Oh, you'll do it. And when you're finished, he will come out of that back room, happy as a lark."
"I'll tell Isaac. I'll telegram him at once and I'll say everything--"
"While you're at it, why don't you let him know we're etching his name into a box as we speak? Because that's exactly what will happen. If you so much as breathe a word of anything to that lowlife gypsy--or anyone else, for that matter--he won't even come back home long enough to be identified. I know people, dear cousin. Don't you know that? Don't try me. This game is over. Indefinitely."
Judith's lip quivered as she struggled to hold herself together. Johnny couldn't do that. He just couldn't. Could he?
She'd only just realized that she loved Isaac. She couldn't risk his life, that wasn't what people who loved each other did. She had no idea what Johnny would do or what he was capable of and she was too afraid to test the waters. No. She loved Isaac too much. She had to keep him safe.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she cleared it and she addressed the players. "Well, boys. Looks like that's it for tonight. You all played well. We'll see you next time, okay?"
To the disappointment of the table full of poker players, the men gathered their belongings and departed from the table. Johnny, however, arched an eyebrow and looked her over as she stood. "At least try to look happy. We provide a place of entertainment here, be it liquor or poker or...whatever else they want. If they're willing to pay for it, I'm willing to give it to them."
"Without any regard to the way I feel about it," she murmured quietly.
"Hey," he hissed. "You're getting a cut, too, you know. Don't you forget. Now pinch some color into those cheeks, fix your hair, and come with me."
Her face fell as she turned the corner and followed her cousin through the back doorway, which consisted of a small hallway that housed a store room and a couple of other small rooms. Walking into one, flipping on the familiar, bright, fluorescent light, her stomach churned at the chair, the small love seat, and the mirror that were strategically placed in the room. The Victrola in the corner sat ready and waiting, just as it always did.
"Make yourself presentable and I'll send him back," Johnny said, leaving her alone and closing the door behind him.
Judith looked around herself in horror. How had it come to this? How had she ended up here, alone and helpless, with her only safe haven so many miles away? Isaac had no way of knowing she needed him right now. Not a clue in the world. Not even an inkling, as he performed his own act onstage on Coney Island, that she was standing there, having been ordered to give the most despicably repulsive man in Tulsa whatever he wanted. Her hands trembled and her eyes brimmed with tears.
The door opened and the man walked in, a sickening smile on his face. He removed his hat and his jacket and he made himself comfortable on the chair. Taking a breath, he wiped his palms on his thighs. "Well, now. This is more like it, don't you think? No other men, no cigarette smoke, no cards...just me and you and that pretty little body of yours."
She felt her body tense up at the mere sound of his voice and she sucked a breath in through her nose in an effort to be brave and get through this as quickly as possible. Wordlessly, she walked over to the Victrola and gingerly cranked the handle on the side, setting the needle as the music began to softly play.
As she walked back to the middle of the much-too-small room, she removed the shawl from around her shoulders, revealing the sleeveless dress she wore underneath. Piece by piece, she shimmied her hips as she removed her clothing, trying her best to put on a happy face as she served him. Once her dress was around her ankles and she stood there in her unmentionables, he bit his lip and he sat back. "That's it, sweetheart. Go ahead and take it all off."
She felt the contents of her stomach rise up into her throat as he began to rub himself between his legs. This wasn't going well and she knew it wouldn't end well, either. As she unhooked her brazier and slid it down her arms, she knew she had to stop. She couldn't go on like this. She needed to walk out that door right then and never look back.
But she couldn't. Because Johnny would have Isaac hurt or killed. She couldn't risk it. She couldn't put him in danger, she just couldn't.
And, so, fully nude and praying for the end to come, Judith danced seductively in front of him, sliding her hands down her body and turning around so that he could see her. It was horrible. It was vile and disgusting and horrible, but doing this brought Isaac back home alive--even if he did decide he wanted nothing to do with her after he found out the disgraceful things she had done while he was away.
"Mmm," he moaned as his rubbing became more vigorous. "You're such a pretty girl, did you know that? I can't believe I never noticed you before."
She didn't know how to respond, nor did she want to, so she smirked at him and did another turn. Maybe if she danced sexy enough, he would hurry up and get his fill and he would leave.
However, as she turned around to face him again, her worst nightmare was indeed coming true. She looked on in horror as she watched him unbuckle his trousers, shifting his weight so that he could pull himself out of them. Sitting there, fully exposed, he stroked himself and let out a sigh. "Come here, baby doll," he instructed her. "Come here and give Daddy Connors what he really came here for."
Her jaw dropped and he must have seen the fear in her eyes because he smiled and replied, "Well, I'm not going to bite you. You act like you've never had your mouth around a prick before. But I find it hard to believe that a sexy little kitten like you is so innocent. Come here."
"I--I can't," she finally found herself whispering. "I can't..."
"You can..."
"I can't," she shook her head. "I can't, I only do peepshows, nothing else--"
"Your cousin says you'll do whatever I want."
"I have a boyfriend. It wouldn't be right."
"Well, sweetheart. I've already seen your pretty pink pussy, there. Sucking on my dick isn't going to do that much more damage, now is it?"
"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "You can have all your money back--"
Stanley Connors's eyes darkened all of a sudden, a sinister expression taking over his face. "You will get on your knees and you will put this cock in your mouth or else you can forget about any boyfriend you think you have. I'm the district attorney, remember? I can cover up a dead body just as quick as I can put you in in prison for being the little whore that you are, you got it? Now I'm going to tell you one last time, to get over here and suck my dick."
Her lips quivered, partly with fear and partly from her desperate attempt to keep the tears down. Slowly, she walked over to him, his hand attempting to reach for her body as she dropped down to her knees in front of him. Hesitantly, she took him into her hand and then took him into her mouth. She nearly gagged immediately.
As the tears streamed down her cheeks, Stanley was sweeping her hair out of her face as his breathing grew obnoxious and heavy. "There now," he whispered. "That's not so bad, is it, baby doll? You're quite good at it. God, that feels so good."
She prayed he would be a quick finish as he moaned and breathed with pleasure and Judith wanted nothing more than for it to be over so that she could go home and wash the filth off of her and then crawl into her bed and die.
He liked to talk as he enjoyed himself and she wished that he wouldn't. Every word that came out of his mouth was vile and repulsive and the mere sound of his voice made her want to vomit if nothing else did. "Oh, baby," he breathed. "You're so good. Do you suck your cousin's dick, too? Is that where you get all your practice? Is that why he keeps you glued to his side? Mmm, I bet you do. I bet he likes it. I bet he likes it as much as I do. That's it, baby. Suck Daddy's dick. Suck it dry..."
Finally, he finished inside her mouth, without any regard as to whether she preferred that or not, causing her to gag uncontrollably. Wordlessly, he put himself back together, threw a few bills down on the floor at her, and then stood up and left the room.
In the instant that the door closed, she burst into a fit of sobs so heavy and gut-wrenching that it physically hurt her insides to cry them. Grabbing up her dress, she clutched it close to her body and collapsed into floor, weeping helplessly, ashamed of herself, ashamed of her life, ashamed that she even breathed. How could she do this? How could she be this person? How could she be such a...whore?
Isaac didn't need this. Isaac didn't need her. She was cheap and she was repulsive and despite whatever degree the University of Oklahoma was willing to award her, she would never amount to anything more than giving peepshows in the backs of illegal speakeasies. He deserved class and grace and poise and a woman with a sense of self-worth. And she would never be any of those things.
Judith loved Isaac. But she couldn't keep him.
__________________________________________
The run on Coney Island was drawing to a close in a few short days. The notion was bittersweet. Luna Park was turning out to be a pleasant surprise. The brothers had gone from being overly optimistic about it, to being crushed by the bankruptcy, to being hopeful again as the crowds were much bigger than any of them had expected. According to Barney Harper, these were only half the crowds that normally frequented the park. Isaac's heart pounded as he quickly did the math in his head, calculating that if they'd played to the normal numbers that came through, their money would easily double--and they were raking in hoards of money already.
In four days, the brothers had raked in nearly a thousand dollars. At twenty-five cents per guest, less for children, at approximately a thousand guests per day that watched their act--though Isaac knew it was easily more than that--the thought of what an entire season could bring in nearly brought Isaac to his knees. This was what traveling with the carnival was really all about. If done right, you could make your entire year's salary in only a few short months.
Due to Taylor's brilliant mind, Isaac knew that it was the throwing wheel that was bringing the bulk of their money in. Every single time they performed since the night they'd debuted it, Isaac strapped Taylor to the wheel. Every single night after they closed their final show, Zac vomited behind the tent. It was a vicious cycle, but people dug through their pockets and their purses furiously each time the hat--which had graduated to a box--came around.
During their second show on the third day, however, it finally happened. Zac nicked Taylor's arm. There was blood. Zac fainted. Isaac unstrapped Taylor with lightning speed. The crowd gasped with horror. That brought sympathy money and Isaac was fine with that, too. Sympathy tips or not, it all spent the same way. Since then, though, Zac absolutely refused to throw anymore knives at his brothers and they had to get creative with a quickness. Now Zac threw at targets. The threw at Myrtle, the dummy, he threw at balloons, he threw in the dark, he threw at handkerchiefs, the threw at everything--except for Taylor.
Truth be told, though, Zac was a much better marksman when someone's life wasn't hanging in the balance. He was actually becoming dangerously talented with this knife-throwing business.
By the end of the fourth night, Isaac's mind had drifted to Judith. He'd seen a young girl with platinum hair and finger curls in the crowd and she reminded him of Judith and he suddenly realized how much he missed her. He'd often imagined her onstage, by his side, smiling her sultry smile and assisting him with his tricks. Oh, she'd be the perfect little magician's assistant. Hell, people would pay to see their act just for her. He liked to imagine her in costumes made of rhinestones with feathers in her hair and high heels on her feet. He'd wear his top hat and white gloves and she would openly fawn all over him while cheering the crowd on as he displayed death-defying tricks. What would he call himself? What would their act's name be? They could take the country by storm as a duo and they'd travel together. He'd show her everything, give her a taste of the good life--he'd be so good to her.
Isaac was snapped rudely back to reality as he sat on the steps of the travel trailer on the back lot of Luna Park, watching the lot bustle with activity as the different acts went about their various nightly activities. There was always a party somewhere every night, always someone rehearsing somewhere, someone taking laundry off their lines or cooking up a quick bite before bed.
In the Hansons' small world, however, it was Zac that had pulled Isaac out of his fantasy as he stood before him, his arm outstretched. "Scored you a little something," he smirked.
Isaac thought he'd die of relief when he saw the small joint that his baby brother offered him. "Got a light?"
"Of course," Zac replied. "What do you take me for?"
Sitting next to each other on the steps, the brothers, both still dressed in white shirts and black trousers, took their own tokes and nearly coughed up their lungs. Once he recovered, Isaac squeezed his eyes open and shut and croaked out, "This is good shit. Who gave it to you?"
"Midget acrobats," Zac coughed. "I was looking for Tay and I saw something I was apparently not supposed to see when I passed their tent. This is my hush money."
Isaac chuckled. "What did you see?"
"Copious amounts of liquor. And the guy's head between Dot Harper's legs."
Isaac gaped at his brother. "No shit? Dot Harper? And the...midget acrobat? Which one?"
"I don't know," Zac waved. "The main guy, I don't know his name. I think the wind blew the door open or something I don't know, but all I know is that she saw me as soon as my head turned and she got all scared and little guy ran up to me and said he'd do anything if I didn't tell anyone what I saw. I told him it'd take fucking miracles to unsee everything I just saw and then he offered me the reefer. Only two joints he had already rolled, I took them both." Zac paused and toked on his joint, coughing a little. "You ever seen a midget naked, man? I shoulda smoked both of these fuckers."
Isaac chuckled. And then he giggled. And then he began to laugh, hearty, bellowing guffaws, coming straight from his stomach. Soon Zac caught on and the brothers rolled, Isaac only losing more of his mind when Zac rolled straight off the steps and onto the grass below them. Isaac laughed so hard that tears seeped from the corners of his eyes and he had to gasp for breath. Laughing felt good. Laughing felt like therapy. He hadn't realized until that moment how much he'd needed to laugh like that.
"Man," Isaac said with a sigh, shaking his head as Zac steadied himself back on the step beside him. "If our girls could see us right now, huh?"
"Hey. I'm enjoying having this all to myself," Zac said. "I love Bessie dearly, but if she was here right now, I'd get one hit off of this and I'd never see it again."
"Yeah?" Isaac challenged him. "And then you'd get laid."
A knowing smile crept across Zac's face as he blew the smoke out of his mouth and through his nose. He nodded as he looked out over the lot. "She was a fucking animal that night, man. Ain't no woman, in all the years I've traveled the country and slept around, ever tore me apart like that. That was probably the best night of my life."
Isaac took another drag. "You think she'd be like that if she were sober? You know, without the influences and shit?"
Zac turned his head to look at him as he smiled and nodded. "I know she would."
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Isaac grew serious. "But that's not why you love her, though."
At that, Zac took a long, deep drag, nearly coughing his insides up as he blew out the smoke. "No," he replied finally, shaking his head. "I loved her before I even kissed her. It was instantaneous, it was like...like a feeling this joint can't even touch."
Taking a deep breath, examining the joint between his fingers as his head spun a little, Isaac asked, "Zac? How did you, um, how did you know you loved Bessie?"
"Um...well. The first time I ever saw her, something happened to my chest." He paused and his head darted over to Isaac, his eyes squinting to examine him. "You sure we should be talking about his while we're high?"
Isaac smiled and shook his head. "Just answer the question."
"I don't know," he shrugged. "I saw her in the crowd that day and I couldn't stop thinking about her. Everything about life felt right when I looked into her eyes, it was...I don't know. I think I realized I wanted to say it, though, the first time I ever read her Shakespeare. We'd only known each other...not even a week? I recited her a sonnet. She loves those--love poems and such. That day was when I knew. She took my breath away."
"So what did it? What was it that made you want to say it?"
Zac shrugged again. "It really wasn't just one thing, really. It was just...her. I felt it, that's all I can say. I realized that I couldn't imagine my life without her--ever. And that was it, man. I was a goner."
Isaac sighed and took a drag off his joint. "It feels like it's been much longer than it has."
"Yeah. It just keeps dragging on..."
"You're ready to go home, aren't you?"
"I was ready to go home the day we left."
The brothers were silent for a moment as they neared the ends of their ill-gotten gifts. Finally, Isaac blurted quietly, "I think I love Judith."
"Yeah?"
"I think I do. I mean, I can't say it happened instantly like you and--"
"I don't think that matters," Zac interrupted. "I don't think there's a timeline on it or anything. I mean, look at Tay. That shit came out of absolute nowhere and he ended up engaged. I think it's still okay that it took you a couple of years."
"I know, but--does that make it weird? That it took me that long to know?"
"No," Zac said, shaking his head. "If anything, it makes you smart. And you know her inside and out, don't you? I mean, you can read her like a book, complete her sentences..."
"Pretty much, yeah."
"See, that's good, Ike. That's real good. You got more than a girlfriend, you got a partner in crime. She's a good girl, I think she'd take real good care of you. She seems to keep you grounded."
"She makes me feel ten years younger," Isaac smiled.
Zac scoffed. "She is ten years younger."
"I'm worried, Zac."
"About what?"
Isaac sighed and took a much needed drag off his joint, coughing up the smoke, and then sucking on it once more. "Judith's cousin, Johnny, runs the speakeasy I deal cards in. I deal poker games, I run money, simple as that. When she came to me with the proposition, I found out he had her...fucking giving peep shows in the back room."
"Ah, hell, Ike..."
"Private peep shows, not like what we see on tour. Anyway, I put a stop to it as soon as I came on board, but I don't trust the guy as far as I can throw him. He promised that Judith would deal cards in my place, but something in my gut is telling me the snake will go back on his word. And nobody's gonna be there to protect her, Zac. Nobody. Nobody knows where she's at or what she's doing besides me. And I'm all the way out here. I've never felt so helpless in my life. I left her, man. I fucking left her with that weasel."
"Well...I mean, you said he's her family--"
"That doesn't matter. If he's willing to trick out his own cousin, he doesn't give a shit about anything. These speakeasies, Zac, they're serious fucking business. These guys don't mess around. Something told me to bring her along, Zac. Something nagged at me and I should have done it. Now I'm sick with worry every single night."
"Yeah, but...for all you know, he didn't go back on his word. And she's sitting there dealing cards with all your tricks. Why the hell would he go and mess up a cash cow like that? That would be stupid. Right?"
"Yeah," Isaac agreed with a nod. "Yeah, that would be stupid."
"Think of it this way," Zac said, clasping his hand over his brother's shoulder. "Bessie knows where and how to reach me, no matter where I am. I make sure of it every time we come to a new place. If there was an emergency, Judith would know how to reach you because all she has to do is go to Bessie. All right?"
Letting out a breath, Isaac had to admit that Zac had a point. It didn't completely relieve his worries, but it was enough for the moment. Choosing to enjoy the rest of the rare treat, Isaac smirked over at his brother and held the joint to his lips. "So what does a naked midget look like?"
Zac shook his head as he coughed up his latest toke. "Where the fuck is Tay? Where did he disappear to?"
"Maybe he's taking photographs of the naked midget and Dot Harper. You know how fucking high we could really get off of that?"
With that, the two brothers laughed until they cried.
Dear Judith,
I've never actually written one of these before. I mean a letter to a woman, that is. Except for the one time that I wrote you while you were at school. Did that one really count?
I see Zac writing all the time and he's forever, every day, rushing off to the nearest post office, and it made me sit and wonder why I haven't sat down to write to you.
The truth is, I never know what to say in these things except how are you and to tell you I'm doing well. And I suppose by doing well that means having food in my belly and change in my pocket at the end of the day. Except that I can't help the nagging feeling that I can't find relief from. The nagging feeling knowing you're not around with your obnoxiously long eyelashes that flutter every time you call me Daddy.
Damn it, see? I just called you obnoxious. I'll never be able to do this right.
I guess the truth is that I miss you, princess. And I worry about you. And I got to thinking and I think I just need to know that you're all right. I'm so afraid that your cousin will go back on his word and make you go back to work that I'm losing sleep over it. I was uncomfortable about leaving you in the first place. Now I wonder if I should have brought you along, both for your safety and for my sanity. Though if I did bring you along, no doubt Tay would have wasted no time strapping you up on our wheel so that Zac could throw knives at you. Yes, that's part of our act now. I'll tell you more about it when I come home.
I say a prayer for you every night, princess. That's the truth. I've never worried this much about anyone before and, to be honest, I think I might be feeling things I never felt before. I don't know if it's because I miss you or because I'm lonely or a mixture of both, I'm not sure. But I can tell you one thing, I haven't so much as looked in another woman's direction since leaving Tulsa and that's the truth. I think maybe there might not be anyone else out there for me, Judith. It feels like the desire is gone. It feels like the only woman I care to have anything to do with anymore is you. And I like the way that feels.
It appears that we have much to talk about when I come home. I hope that you miss me. I hope you haven't forgotten about me. But most importantly, I hope you're happy. I miss your smile. I never realized how much it brightened my day until I didn't see it after awhile.
Yours truly,
Isaac
For the second weekend in a row, Judith's cousin, Johnny, let the poker games run in his speakeasy and he allowed Judith to run them. Much to his apparent dismay, the money flew onto the tables, almost as fast as it did when Isaac ran the games, subsequently proving Johnny wrong that men did not want women handling their bets.
Judith loved running the poker games. She'd never felt such a sense of power and security before and she was thoroughly pleased with the amount of respect she seemed to receive from the players. Isaac would be so proud of her. She did his card tricks flawlessly and she had a little something that Isaac didn't have to help the tricks right along: long, lustrous eyelashes and a flirtatious wink that could knock a man dead.
The night was going smoothly as any other, players were coming and going, and the cash in the kitty was only growing and growing. It was a great night. Johnny would be pleased.
She had to admit, though, that she was surprised to see Johnny show up in the speakeasy all of a sudden, followed by a man that Judith was much too familiar with. Her heart began to race and she cursed as she lost money on the hand she'd just dealt in her distraction of Johnny and his guest. She stared on in horror at the average-height and portly belly as he adjusted his leisure jacket and tipped his hat. She watched him reach into his pocket and pull out a wad of cash, waving it in front of Johnny's face. As much as she would have loved to get her hands on every bit of that dough, she felt uneasy at his presence.
Her heart sank as Johnny turned his attention to the poker table and Judith paused before dealing out the next hand. He approached the table, leaning over it and into Judith's ear. "Be a dear and deal my good friend, here, in, will you?"
"But--" she sputtered. "But, Johnny, I have a full table. And they're all betting high!"
Turning his head, his eyes landed on the first poor sap he found. He snapped his fingers and pointed behind his back with his thumb. "You. You're out. Go get you a drink at the bar on the house."
As Judith tried to object, unsuccessfully, the man took the now-empty seat at the table and made himself comfortable with a smile on his face. Judith wanted to be sick.
Miraculously, he was a horrible poker player and after awhile, taking his money was like taking candy from a baby. As he kept drinking, she kept slipping the tricks on him, watching his wad of money shrink and shrink with each round he played. The worse he played, the friendlier Judith became.
Finally, when he seemed to have his fill, he threw down his last hand of cards, finished off what was left of the liquor in his glass, and rose from the table without a word. Judith couldn't help but smile and she happily collected the cards and began to shuffle the deck when Johnny appeared out of the blue again. Leaning further down into her ear, he whispered to her, "I thought I told you to take care of him?"
She arched her eyebrow and cocked her head to the side as she continued to shuffle her card deck. "He seemed to do a pretty good job of taking care of himself."
"He's not happy."
"Of course he isn't. He's horrible at cards and he doesn't know how to bet properly. I'd be unhappy, too."
"You're done dealing games, Judith."
She felt the blood drain from her face as she slowly stopped the shuffling in her hands. "I beg your pardon?"
"Look. I need him happy. And he's very interested in you. In fact, he's actually requested a, uh...private word with you."
Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "Johnny," she whispered. "That's not part of the deal. Isaac said no more, you told him--"
"Yeah? Well your little boyfriend ain't here, is he?"
Judith wanted to cry. Isaac had been right, he'd been right all along. Johnny, her own cousin, didn't care about anything or anyone else but his own wallet. He was willing to go back on deals and allow his baby cousin to do obscene things in private just to load his own pockets. This wasn't family. This wasn't real life.
"I won't do it," she said defiantly. "I won't do it and you can't make me."
"Oh, you'll do it. And when you're finished, he will come out of that back room, happy as a lark."
"I'll tell Isaac. I'll telegram him at once and I'll say everything--"
"While you're at it, why don't you let him know we're etching his name into a box as we speak? Because that's exactly what will happen. If you so much as breathe a word of anything to that lowlife gypsy--or anyone else, for that matter--he won't even come back home long enough to be identified. I know people, dear cousin. Don't you know that? Don't try me. This game is over. Indefinitely."
Judith's lip quivered as she struggled to hold herself together. Johnny couldn't do that. He just couldn't. Could he?
She'd only just realized that she loved Isaac. She couldn't risk his life, that wasn't what people who loved each other did. She had no idea what Johnny would do or what he was capable of and she was too afraid to test the waters. No. She loved Isaac too much. She had to keep him safe.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she cleared it and she addressed the players. "Well, boys. Looks like that's it for tonight. You all played well. We'll see you next time, okay?"
To the disappointment of the table full of poker players, the men gathered their belongings and departed from the table. Johnny, however, arched an eyebrow and looked her over as she stood. "At least try to look happy. We provide a place of entertainment here, be it liquor or poker or...whatever else they want. If they're willing to pay for it, I'm willing to give it to them."
"Without any regard to the way I feel about it," she murmured quietly.
"Hey," he hissed. "You're getting a cut, too, you know. Don't you forget. Now pinch some color into those cheeks, fix your hair, and come with me."
Her face fell as she turned the corner and followed her cousin through the back doorway, which consisted of a small hallway that housed a store room and a couple of other small rooms. Walking into one, flipping on the familiar, bright, fluorescent light, her stomach churned at the chair, the small love seat, and the mirror that were strategically placed in the room. The Victrola in the corner sat ready and waiting, just as it always did.
"Make yourself presentable and I'll send him back," Johnny said, leaving her alone and closing the door behind him.
Judith looked around herself in horror. How had it come to this? How had she ended up here, alone and helpless, with her only safe haven so many miles away? Isaac had no way of knowing she needed him right now. Not a clue in the world. Not even an inkling, as he performed his own act onstage on Coney Island, that she was standing there, having been ordered to give the most despicably repulsive man in Tulsa whatever he wanted. Her hands trembled and her eyes brimmed with tears.
The door opened and the man walked in, a sickening smile on his face. He removed his hat and his jacket and he made himself comfortable on the chair. Taking a breath, he wiped his palms on his thighs. "Well, now. This is more like it, don't you think? No other men, no cigarette smoke, no cards...just me and you and that pretty little body of yours."
She felt her body tense up at the mere sound of his voice and she sucked a breath in through her nose in an effort to be brave and get through this as quickly as possible. Wordlessly, she walked over to the Victrola and gingerly cranked the handle on the side, setting the needle as the music began to softly play.
As she walked back to the middle of the much-too-small room, she removed the shawl from around her shoulders, revealing the sleeveless dress she wore underneath. Piece by piece, she shimmied her hips as she removed her clothing, trying her best to put on a happy face as she served him. Once her dress was around her ankles and she stood there in her unmentionables, he bit his lip and he sat back. "That's it, sweetheart. Go ahead and take it all off."
She felt the contents of her stomach rise up into her throat as he began to rub himself between his legs. This wasn't going well and she knew it wouldn't end well, either. As she unhooked her brazier and slid it down her arms, she knew she had to stop. She couldn't go on like this. She needed to walk out that door right then and never look back.
But she couldn't. Because Johnny would have Isaac hurt or killed. She couldn't risk it. She couldn't put him in danger, she just couldn't.
And, so, fully nude and praying for the end to come, Judith danced seductively in front of him, sliding her hands down her body and turning around so that he could see her. It was horrible. It was vile and disgusting and horrible, but doing this brought Isaac back home alive--even if he did decide he wanted nothing to do with her after he found out the disgraceful things she had done while he was away.
"Mmm," he moaned as his rubbing became more vigorous. "You're such a pretty girl, did you know that? I can't believe I never noticed you before."
She didn't know how to respond, nor did she want to, so she smirked at him and did another turn. Maybe if she danced sexy enough, he would hurry up and get his fill and he would leave.
However, as she turned around to face him again, her worst nightmare was indeed coming true. She looked on in horror as she watched him unbuckle his trousers, shifting his weight so that he could pull himself out of them. Sitting there, fully exposed, he stroked himself and let out a sigh. "Come here, baby doll," he instructed her. "Come here and give Daddy Connors what he really came here for."
Her jaw dropped and he must have seen the fear in her eyes because he smiled and replied, "Well, I'm not going to bite you. You act like you've never had your mouth around a prick before. But I find it hard to believe that a sexy little kitten like you is so innocent. Come here."
"I--I can't," she finally found herself whispering. "I can't..."
"You can..."
"I can't," she shook her head. "I can't, I only do peepshows, nothing else--"
"Your cousin says you'll do whatever I want."
"I have a boyfriend. It wouldn't be right."
"Well, sweetheart. I've already seen your pretty pink pussy, there. Sucking on my dick isn't going to do that much more damage, now is it?"
"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "You can have all your money back--"
Stanley Connors's eyes darkened all of a sudden, a sinister expression taking over his face. "You will get on your knees and you will put this cock in your mouth or else you can forget about any boyfriend you think you have. I'm the district attorney, remember? I can cover up a dead body just as quick as I can put you in in prison for being the little whore that you are, you got it? Now I'm going to tell you one last time, to get over here and suck my dick."
Her lips quivered, partly with fear and partly from her desperate attempt to keep the tears down. Slowly, she walked over to him, his hand attempting to reach for her body as she dropped down to her knees in front of him. Hesitantly, she took him into her hand and then took him into her mouth. She nearly gagged immediately.
As the tears streamed down her cheeks, Stanley was sweeping her hair out of her face as his breathing grew obnoxious and heavy. "There now," he whispered. "That's not so bad, is it, baby doll? You're quite good at it. God, that feels so good."
She prayed he would be a quick finish as he moaned and breathed with pleasure and Judith wanted nothing more than for it to be over so that she could go home and wash the filth off of her and then crawl into her bed and die.
He liked to talk as he enjoyed himself and she wished that he wouldn't. Every word that came out of his mouth was vile and repulsive and the mere sound of his voice made her want to vomit if nothing else did. "Oh, baby," he breathed. "You're so good. Do you suck your cousin's dick, too? Is that where you get all your practice? Is that why he keeps you glued to his side? Mmm, I bet you do. I bet he likes it. I bet he likes it as much as I do. That's it, baby. Suck Daddy's dick. Suck it dry..."
Finally, he finished inside her mouth, without any regard as to whether she preferred that or not, causing her to gag uncontrollably. Wordlessly, he put himself back together, threw a few bills down on the floor at her, and then stood up and left the room.
In the instant that the door closed, she burst into a fit of sobs so heavy and gut-wrenching that it physically hurt her insides to cry them. Grabbing up her dress, she clutched it close to her body and collapsed into floor, weeping helplessly, ashamed of herself, ashamed of her life, ashamed that she even breathed. How could she do this? How could she be this person? How could she be such a...whore?
Isaac didn't need this. Isaac didn't need her. She was cheap and she was repulsive and despite whatever degree the University of Oklahoma was willing to award her, she would never amount to anything more than giving peepshows in the backs of illegal speakeasies. He deserved class and grace and poise and a woman with a sense of self-worth. And she would never be any of those things.
Judith loved Isaac. But she couldn't keep him.
__________________________________________
The run on Coney Island was drawing to a close in a few short days. The notion was bittersweet. Luna Park was turning out to be a pleasant surprise. The brothers had gone from being overly optimistic about it, to being crushed by the bankruptcy, to being hopeful again as the crowds were much bigger than any of them had expected. According to Barney Harper, these were only half the crowds that normally frequented the park. Isaac's heart pounded as he quickly did the math in his head, calculating that if they'd played to the normal numbers that came through, their money would easily double--and they were raking in hoards of money already.
In four days, the brothers had raked in nearly a thousand dollars. At twenty-five cents per guest, less for children, at approximately a thousand guests per day that watched their act--though Isaac knew it was easily more than that--the thought of what an entire season could bring in nearly brought Isaac to his knees. This was what traveling with the carnival was really all about. If done right, you could make your entire year's salary in only a few short months.
Due to Taylor's brilliant mind, Isaac knew that it was the throwing wheel that was bringing the bulk of their money in. Every single time they performed since the night they'd debuted it, Isaac strapped Taylor to the wheel. Every single night after they closed their final show, Zac vomited behind the tent. It was a vicious cycle, but people dug through their pockets and their purses furiously each time the hat--which had graduated to a box--came around.
During their second show on the third day, however, it finally happened. Zac nicked Taylor's arm. There was blood. Zac fainted. Isaac unstrapped Taylor with lightning speed. The crowd gasped with horror. That brought sympathy money and Isaac was fine with that, too. Sympathy tips or not, it all spent the same way. Since then, though, Zac absolutely refused to throw anymore knives at his brothers and they had to get creative with a quickness. Now Zac threw at targets. The threw at Myrtle, the dummy, he threw at balloons, he threw in the dark, he threw at handkerchiefs, the threw at everything--except for Taylor.
Truth be told, though, Zac was a much better marksman when someone's life wasn't hanging in the balance. He was actually becoming dangerously talented with this knife-throwing business.
By the end of the fourth night, Isaac's mind had drifted to Judith. He'd seen a young girl with platinum hair and finger curls in the crowd and she reminded him of Judith and he suddenly realized how much he missed her. He'd often imagined her onstage, by his side, smiling her sultry smile and assisting him with his tricks. Oh, she'd be the perfect little magician's assistant. Hell, people would pay to see their act just for her. He liked to imagine her in costumes made of rhinestones with feathers in her hair and high heels on her feet. He'd wear his top hat and white gloves and she would openly fawn all over him while cheering the crowd on as he displayed death-defying tricks. What would he call himself? What would their act's name be? They could take the country by storm as a duo and they'd travel together. He'd show her everything, give her a taste of the good life--he'd be so good to her.
Isaac was snapped rudely back to reality as he sat on the steps of the travel trailer on the back lot of Luna Park, watching the lot bustle with activity as the different acts went about their various nightly activities. There was always a party somewhere every night, always someone rehearsing somewhere, someone taking laundry off their lines or cooking up a quick bite before bed.
In the Hansons' small world, however, it was Zac that had pulled Isaac out of his fantasy as he stood before him, his arm outstretched. "Scored you a little something," he smirked.
Isaac thought he'd die of relief when he saw the small joint that his baby brother offered him. "Got a light?"
"Of course," Zac replied. "What do you take me for?"
Sitting next to each other on the steps, the brothers, both still dressed in white shirts and black trousers, took their own tokes and nearly coughed up their lungs. Once he recovered, Isaac squeezed his eyes open and shut and croaked out, "This is good shit. Who gave it to you?"
"Midget acrobats," Zac coughed. "I was looking for Tay and I saw something I was apparently not supposed to see when I passed their tent. This is my hush money."
Isaac chuckled. "What did you see?"
"Copious amounts of liquor. And the guy's head between Dot Harper's legs."
Isaac gaped at his brother. "No shit? Dot Harper? And the...midget acrobat? Which one?"
"I don't know," Zac waved. "The main guy, I don't know his name. I think the wind blew the door open or something I don't know, but all I know is that she saw me as soon as my head turned and she got all scared and little guy ran up to me and said he'd do anything if I didn't tell anyone what I saw. I told him it'd take fucking miracles to unsee everything I just saw and then he offered me the reefer. Only two joints he had already rolled, I took them both." Zac paused and toked on his joint, coughing a little. "You ever seen a midget naked, man? I shoulda smoked both of these fuckers."
Isaac chuckled. And then he giggled. And then he began to laugh, hearty, bellowing guffaws, coming straight from his stomach. Soon Zac caught on and the brothers rolled, Isaac only losing more of his mind when Zac rolled straight off the steps and onto the grass below them. Isaac laughed so hard that tears seeped from the corners of his eyes and he had to gasp for breath. Laughing felt good. Laughing felt like therapy. He hadn't realized until that moment how much he'd needed to laugh like that.
"Man," Isaac said with a sigh, shaking his head as Zac steadied himself back on the step beside him. "If our girls could see us right now, huh?"
"Hey. I'm enjoying having this all to myself," Zac said. "I love Bessie dearly, but if she was here right now, I'd get one hit off of this and I'd never see it again."
"Yeah?" Isaac challenged him. "And then you'd get laid."
A knowing smile crept across Zac's face as he blew the smoke out of his mouth and through his nose. He nodded as he looked out over the lot. "She was a fucking animal that night, man. Ain't no woman, in all the years I've traveled the country and slept around, ever tore me apart like that. That was probably the best night of my life."
Isaac took another drag. "You think she'd be like that if she were sober? You know, without the influences and shit?"
Zac turned his head to look at him as he smiled and nodded. "I know she would."
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Isaac grew serious. "But that's not why you love her, though."
At that, Zac took a long, deep drag, nearly coughing his insides up as he blew out the smoke. "No," he replied finally, shaking his head. "I loved her before I even kissed her. It was instantaneous, it was like...like a feeling this joint can't even touch."
Taking a deep breath, examining the joint between his fingers as his head spun a little, Isaac asked, "Zac? How did you, um, how did you know you loved Bessie?"
"Um...well. The first time I ever saw her, something happened to my chest." He paused and his head darted over to Isaac, his eyes squinting to examine him. "You sure we should be talking about his while we're high?"
Isaac smiled and shook his head. "Just answer the question."
"I don't know," he shrugged. "I saw her in the crowd that day and I couldn't stop thinking about her. Everything about life felt right when I looked into her eyes, it was...I don't know. I think I realized I wanted to say it, though, the first time I ever read her Shakespeare. We'd only known each other...not even a week? I recited her a sonnet. She loves those--love poems and such. That day was when I knew. She took my breath away."
"So what did it? What was it that made you want to say it?"
Zac shrugged again. "It really wasn't just one thing, really. It was just...her. I felt it, that's all I can say. I realized that I couldn't imagine my life without her--ever. And that was it, man. I was a goner."
Isaac sighed and took a drag off his joint. "It feels like it's been much longer than it has."
"Yeah. It just keeps dragging on..."
"You're ready to go home, aren't you?"
"I was ready to go home the day we left."
The brothers were silent for a moment as they neared the ends of their ill-gotten gifts. Finally, Isaac blurted quietly, "I think I love Judith."
"Yeah?"
"I think I do. I mean, I can't say it happened instantly like you and--"
"I don't think that matters," Zac interrupted. "I don't think there's a timeline on it or anything. I mean, look at Tay. That shit came out of absolute nowhere and he ended up engaged. I think it's still okay that it took you a couple of years."
"I know, but--does that make it weird? That it took me that long to know?"
"No," Zac said, shaking his head. "If anything, it makes you smart. And you know her inside and out, don't you? I mean, you can read her like a book, complete her sentences..."
"Pretty much, yeah."
"See, that's good, Ike. That's real good. You got more than a girlfriend, you got a partner in crime. She's a good girl, I think she'd take real good care of you. She seems to keep you grounded."
"She makes me feel ten years younger," Isaac smiled.
Zac scoffed. "She is ten years younger."
"I'm worried, Zac."
"About what?"
Isaac sighed and took a much needed drag off his joint, coughing up the smoke, and then sucking on it once more. "Judith's cousin, Johnny, runs the speakeasy I deal cards in. I deal poker games, I run money, simple as that. When she came to me with the proposition, I found out he had her...fucking giving peep shows in the back room."
"Ah, hell, Ike..."
"Private peep shows, not like what we see on tour. Anyway, I put a stop to it as soon as I came on board, but I don't trust the guy as far as I can throw him. He promised that Judith would deal cards in my place, but something in my gut is telling me the snake will go back on his word. And nobody's gonna be there to protect her, Zac. Nobody. Nobody knows where she's at or what she's doing besides me. And I'm all the way out here. I've never felt so helpless in my life. I left her, man. I fucking left her with that weasel."
"Well...I mean, you said he's her family--"
"That doesn't matter. If he's willing to trick out his own cousin, he doesn't give a shit about anything. These speakeasies, Zac, they're serious fucking business. These guys don't mess around. Something told me to bring her along, Zac. Something nagged at me and I should have done it. Now I'm sick with worry every single night."
"Yeah, but...for all you know, he didn't go back on his word. And she's sitting there dealing cards with all your tricks. Why the hell would he go and mess up a cash cow like that? That would be stupid. Right?"
"Yeah," Isaac agreed with a nod. "Yeah, that would be stupid."
"Think of it this way," Zac said, clasping his hand over his brother's shoulder. "Bessie knows where and how to reach me, no matter where I am. I make sure of it every time we come to a new place. If there was an emergency, Judith would know how to reach you because all she has to do is go to Bessie. All right?"
Letting out a breath, Isaac had to admit that Zac had a point. It didn't completely relieve his worries, but it was enough for the moment. Choosing to enjoy the rest of the rare treat, Isaac smirked over at his brother and held the joint to his lips. "So what does a naked midget look like?"
Zac shook his head as he coughed up his latest toke. "Where the fuck is Tay? Where did he disappear to?"
"Maybe he's taking photographs of the naked midget and Dot Harper. You know how fucking high we could really get off of that?"
With that, the two brothers laughed until they cried.